So I'll cut to the chase (not really). When I think of my purpose, I honestly don't know, you know yolo and lwwy? Life just flows naturally, whatever is ahead of Tommorow is a mystery, and today is a gift. I think I would agree that life is all about reproducing and just living life until we end up somewhere after this life. I'm still a confused teenager who doesn't even know what she wants to be or do with her life at the age of 17 and turning 18 this November. By the way, happy Sunday, I sat in church and happy that I was lucky I wasn't burned. Like seriously, god is really loving and forgiving, like my pastor says, he loves us so much he gave his only son to save us for his sins and that despite our sins, we aren't perfect and so he still accepts us.
So why am I suddenly going all religious on you? Well, first off, because its a holy day for crying out loud! And well... I feel like I've been a bad bad girl lately. You know that feeling when you just sit in girl and unknowingly you hear them pointing out your sins? Like this lady who obviously is trying to repent for being an adulterer. And again *sigh* how does this all tie up?
You all know me, writer, and yes for the first time ever I'll admit my dirty little secret. I enjoy reading erotica if not write them or at least somewhat. Am I immoral? Anyway, excuse that because I know that most girls my age at my school also read that stuff lol. Anyhow, its also natural to fantasize about that crush, and think about sex right? Starting to get uncomfortable? You haven't even been in my shoes.
So my brother gets circumcised this week, big boy and lol, that's none of your business or even should be reading this by now, I mean its just so gross, being a sister and walking in on him naked with that... Ewww... Don't even try to remind me, I've been scarred for life.
Ever since that day I've been feeling so uncomfortable and can't stand hearing about it, you know like how guys just talk about their cock as if its no big deal, like dude, girl here, and I was like eating a banana! Definitely not cool!
And my views about sex changed. I mean, honestly, describing it in books is so much easier than thinking about the real world. I mean sure erotic dreams... But... This is different! I'm more of the type of person who gets a crush on lots of guys, call me hopeless romantic especially since I hadn't have a boyfriend since I was born, but the idea of sleeping with a guy just scares me now, I mean, seriously its just like thinking about how animals mate, and ewww... Wasn't there a saying? Like sex sounds glossy but in reality?
Conclusion: I'm a hopeless virgin contradicting myself I admit, and everyone has their opinions and what they believe, but for me, what it comes down to is that, I am not really ready for a relationship after all even if I liked a lot of guys. Its better to like that give yourself right away, its better to love yourself first and make sure that you are ready before you get into a situation. I'm too innocent and I'm so sorry! Its like 12 in the morning my eyes hurts and I just wrote this for the sake of proving my innocence!
Thanks for reading (if there are) and have a great day :D ~
